Something More

I’ve been inspired. It often comes from the small things in life as much as the large, ground shak­ing events. This comes from my friend, Sta­cie. I have many friends who have web-blogs, and most of us approach it from a geek stand­point. Sta­cie writes hers like a per­son, and I real­ly found myself enjoy­ing her posts more than most about web and tech stuff.

I’ve had a web site now for the past 5 years, and I’ve been run­ning a blog for the past 5+ months. I keep telling myself that I’ll get around to post­ing some more mean­ing­ful things here, but I nev­er do. I tell myself that I’ll even­tu­al­ly post the sorts of things that friends, fam­i­ly, and per­fect strangers alike can read and actu­al­ly get to know me. Maybe I’ll learn a lit­tle about myself in the process. Well, it’s become a per­fect metaphor for my life. I keep say­ing to myself that I’ll be that per­son as soon as I get through all the rest of this crap, nev­er real­iz­ing that real time is pass­ing right now. Peo­ple know me now, and just like a blog not worth read­ing, they’ll not have much rea­son to come back if I’m noth­ing more that a shal­low exis­tence. I don’t real­ly want this to be record of noth­ing­ness. I want it to be a means of com­mu­ni­ca­tion. That was my orig­i­nal goal for main­tain­ing a web site, and I should con­cen­trate on that more.

I don’t real­ly believe I’m that shal­low, I just let life go by. I’ve know­ing­ly done this for as long as I can remem­ber. I make great plans about the indi­vid­ual I want to be and how great it will feel, but nev­er actu­al­ly make effort to do those things. I say to myself, “when this real­ly counts, I’ll do it bet­ter and take it more seri­ous­ly.” As if this is all just some prac­tice run for when life real­ly gets going. I have this feel­ing that I should­n’t com­mit until I’m 100% ready. How­ev­er, being an engi­neer has ingrained in me that there is noth­ing that is 100%, espe­cial­ly not me.

Here’s where the blog (and hope­ful­ly my friends, fam­i­ly and per­fect strangers) come in. I need these thoughts out in the open, and then oth­ers can call me a flake when I don’t act on them. That’s fair, right? That way my lit­tle metaphor here, and my life, will hope­ful­ly stay on track. Will any­one be impressed? I doubt it, but I’ll be hap­py and ful­filled; after all, this is about me here, right? Back to my friend’s blog (all of my friends’ blogs for that mat­ter), it real­ly is won­der­ful to read what a day-in-the-life-of is like. How else can we know those things? Any­way, thanks Sta­cie and every­one else who reads here, posts here, writes their own blogs, etc. Keep­ing up with you all inspires me and is time well spent.

To be lit­er­al about a cliche, life is what you make it, not what you plan to make it when you both­er to get up of the couch.